“He’s got permanent duck lips.”
“Yeah, but he’s got a nice skin color, though.”

I dunno. I’ve farted in bed lots of times, and it never made a pizza cake…”
William Veazey

“Lifetime’s severely low-end Brittany Murphy biopic, The Brittany Murphy Story, airs September 6, and these clips from it do not look encouraging. In fact, they look horrendous. There are amateur pornos made at a higher quality. There are Chihuahuas wearing better, more believable wigs. Simply holding a paper cutout of Brittany Murphy’s face on a Popsicle stick up to one’s face would be more lifelike.”
From a Vulture blog post

“That logo? It’s phallic and vaginal at the same time.”
Joe Bastianich

Look. There is a large segment of society that has too much money and they are retarded. Don’t feel bad because other people are retarded. You can’t control retardedness.”
Reddit comment

“An incontinent 500-pound clown that blows a microphone… that’s what passes for children’s entertainment in Holland.”

“Oh dear. I see swirling boob tassels in your near future.”

“They look disturbingly like that breast implant you have in your freezer.”

“Lobsters pee out of their faces. Peeing at each other is part of both fighting and courtship.”
mental_floss