Things We Heard (or Said)

Ryan — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 20:58:52 +0000

“I loved his sweater, but I suspect I’d look like a poorly circumcised penis were I to try and wear it.”

Ryan — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 01:29:35 +0000

“That sounds like a degenerative disease that impacts monkeys.”
Ryan Eanes

Ryan — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 04:56:03 +0000

“I love my black wife, Wendy Williams–and our two apparently Asian children!”
Jon Stewart

William — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 23:03:35 +0000

Wanda: “I heard on the radio, the guy [from Steely Dan] said when they say ‘We’re going to play something off our new album,’ five thousand people get up to go get a beer and they don’t come back until the hear the first notes of this one song, but I can’t remember what it is.”
Amanda: “Is it ‘Reelin’ in the Years?’”
Wanda: “No….”
Amanda: “‘Rikki, Don’t Lose That Number?’”
Wanda: “No….”
Amanda: “‘Dr. Wu?’”
Wanda: “No….”
Amanda: “‘Kid Charlemagne?’”
Wanda: “No, that’s not it….”
Amanda: “‘Do It Again?’”
Wanda: “How’s that one go?”
Amanda: “‘You go back, Jack / Do it again / Wheel turnin’ round and round.’”
Wanda: “No….”
Amanda: “‘Deacon Blues?’”
Wanda: “No….”
Amanda: “‘Peg?’”
Wanda: “Are you sure you’re naming hit songs?”
Amanda: “Yes, Mom. These are all on the Greatest Hits CD.”
Wanda: “Well…maybe it was that ‘take the money’ song.”
Amanda: “Mom, that’s the Steve Miller Band, not Steely Dan.”
Wanda & Amanda Veazey

Ryan — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 19:36:55 +0000

“Good lord. It’s like Disney and Pollyanna had a baby and named it Zappos. …They were falling over themselves to convey what a fabulous experience the mere caress of my voice was.”
Todd Wachsman

William — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 03:58:40 +0000

“People are a lot more sedimentary than they used to be.”
Ruth Miller

Ryan — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 16:12:13 +0000

“I’m not in the mood for fish. It’s just too hot for fish today.”

William — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 01:45:47 +0000

“If you can accept that when you hit the ball, it goes, and it goes where you aim it, then golf is interesting.”
Otley Veazey

William — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 00:44:49 +0000

“That chicken tastes too much like an animal.”

Ryan — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 13:17:33 +0000

Large black lady, looking at the produce section: Why ain’t they just got regular plain old apples? This be too many to pick from!
Half-interested friend: Mmm-hmm.
Atlantic Station Pathmark

Ryan — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 17:12:32 +0000

“Scientology is to religion what Farmville is to games.”
The Pitch

Ryan — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 13:46:34 +0000

“If everyone who had their ass slapped in a bar called the cops, the police would never get anything done!”