Things We Heard (or Said) » Vaguely Inappropriate

Ryan — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 20:58:52 +0000

“I loved his sweater, but I suspect I’d look like a poorly circumcised penis were I to try and wear it.”

Ryan — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 13:46:34 +0000

“If everyone who had their ass slapped in a bar called the cops, the police would never get anything done!”

Sharon — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 20:25:57 +0000

“It’s okay. You’re white, you’re supposed to like Journey.”
Tomarra

Ryan — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 15:11:05 +0000

“Like small-breasted porn starlets, the Ritz Crackerfuls Cheddar Cheese & Bacon keeps it real.”
The Impulsive Buy

Ryan — Mon, 17 May 2010 13:07:05 +0000

“Aw, nothing is ever boobs or ice cream!”
Homer Simpson

Ryan — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 19:37:23 +0000

“He grabbed his penis and said, ‘Come over here. I want you to turn my shrimp into a lobster,’” according to court papers filed by 28-year-old Rosemarie Ferranti, who was presumably hired to wait tables, not transmogrify genitalia.
Gothamist

William — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 00:30:14 +0000

“That was their graduation present to me: a rape whistle.”
Amanda Veazey

Ryan — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 17:43:21 +0000

“It’s a variety of butt thrust exercises performed to a horrible synthesized version of the William Tell Overture.”
Description of a horrifying 80′s workout video

Ryan — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 20:00:26 +0000

“That sounds like a place that would be owned and operated by soft-spoken lesbians.”

Ryan — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 19:24:27 +0000

“Ugh. They don’t even have proper boobs, just nipplish droopage.”
Todd Wachsman’s observation about dogs’ “breasts”

William — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 05:07:11 +0000

“Something tells me that you really can tell the difference between a peter and a banana.”
Ruth Miller, submitted by Ashley Miller

William — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 03:07:17 +0000

“For the record: ‘homemade Danish’ is not a euphemism.”
Mythbuster and Twitter user @donttrythis (Adam Savage).