Wanda: “I heard on the radio, the guy [from Steely Dan] said when they say ‘We’re going to play something off our new album,’ five thousand people get up to go get a beer and they don’t come back until the hear the first notes of this one song, but I can’t remember what it [...]
“I’m not in the mood for fish. It’s just too hot for fish today.”
Large black lady, looking at the produce section: Why ain’t they just got regular plain old apples? This be too many to pick from! Half-interested friend: Mmm-hmm. Atlantic Station Pathmark
“It’s not that bad. Her hair’s not falling out any more.” Audrey Fowler
“His brother has a masterful goatee.”
“It’s my favorite movie! I never got to see it!” Overheard in Target by Twitter user @leeannthill.
Ghetto mom: How you gonna wrap a dog? Little girl: (optimistically) I don’t know… I could do it. Overheard by Eric at Target in Linden, New Jersey
“Hey! You two! Stop it! No factorials, exponents or fractions in the gay bar!”
“Explain or I will eat your eyeballs and ruin my appetite.”
“I just got groped by Greg in the CiCi’s parking lot.” A guy, whose name is probably not Greg.
“See? Sigourney Weaver is wearing appropriate undergarments.” Overheard during an Emmy-watching party
“This is the straightest gay party I’ve ever been to.”