Things We Heard (or Said) » Internet Wisdom

Ryan — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 17:12:32 +0000

“Scientology is to religion what Farmville is to games.”
The Pitch

Ryan — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 16:16:38 +0000

“…if I were an ambitious almond, I would attempt to become ruler of the world by threatening to release the cyanide I naturally contain.”
The Impulsive Buy

Ryan — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 15:11:05 +0000

“Like small-breasted porn starlets, the Ritz Crackerfuls Cheddar Cheese & Bacon keeps it real.”
The Impulsive Buy

Ryan — Wed, 05 May 2010 17:28:12 +0000

“Your dreams of warm rubbery stale bread and greasy questionable meat products have been answered!”
Grocery Eats (warning, language NSFW)

Sharon — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 20:44:22 +0000

“The latest season of MTV’s long-running program ended last night like a geriatric poodle falling down a flight of stairs.”
Gawker.com, on the season finale of MTV’s The Real World

Ryan — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 04:46:34 +0000

“You know what would be even more awesome than sinus-dwelling cats? Having the ability to shoot lasers from your nose!”

Ryan — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 17:50:40 +0000

“Someone took a laser to her chompin’ stones and done fixed ‘em up. Either that or she got dentures.”
Gawker

William — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 03:07:17 +0000

“For the record: ‘homemade Danish’ is not a euphemism.”
Mythbuster and Twitter user @donttrythis (Adam Savage).

William — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:19:27 +0000

“Explain or I will eat your eyeballs and ruin my appetite.”

William — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 22:55:33 +0000

“God, I love photos of Glenn Beck crying. It makes every day feel like a Christmas miracle.”
The Retropolitan

Ryan — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 03:49:22 +0000

“I am actually sitting here at my desk eating cilantro off the stalk.”
Nico Muhly

Ryan — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 06:12:16 +0000

“When a man and a woman love each other very much, but hate babies, a stork comes to the window and they beat it with a broom.”
Jezebel’s answer to the question, “Where do abortions come from?“