Things We Heard (or Said) » Blurtations

Ryan — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 20:58:52 +0000

“I loved his sweater, but I suspect I’d look like a poorly circumcised penis were I to try and wear it.”

Ryan — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 01:29:35 +0000

“That sounds like a degenerative disease that impacts monkeys.”
Ryan Eanes

Ryan — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 04:56:03 +0000

“I love my black wife, Wendy Williams–and our two apparently Asian children!”
Jon Stewart

Ryan — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 19:36:55 +0000

“Good lord. It’s like Disney and Pollyanna had a baby and named it Zappos. …They were falling over themselves to convey what a fabulous experience the mere caress of my voice was.”
Todd Wachsman

Ryan — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 13:46:34 +0000

“If everyone who had their ass slapped in a bar called the cops, the police would never get anything done!”

Sharon — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 20:24:09 +0000

“I know you end up with broccoli, but that really sounds like a drug deal.”
Tomarra, after hearing details of my CSA pickup

Ryan — Wed, 05 May 2010 17:28:12 +0000

“Your dreams of warm rubbery stale bread and greasy questionable meat products have been answered!”
Grocery Eats (warning, language NSFW)

Ryan — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 19:37:23 +0000

“He grabbed his penis and said, ‘Come over here. I want you to turn my shrimp into a lobster,’” according to court papers filed by 28-year-old Rosemarie Ferranti, who was presumably hired to wait tables, not transmogrify genitalia.
Gothamist

Ryan — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 20:34:25 +0000

“I think that if I was a middle-aged lady I’d probably be bored a LOT.”

Ryan — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 18:50:09 +0000

“Seeing hardcore Republicans watch Sarah Palin makes me think of lab rats that have been trained to push a button to get cocaine.”

Ryan — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 16:57:25 +0000

“That sounds like some sort of institutional-sized box of frozen chins for cafeteria use.”

Ryan — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 16:07:41 +0000

“Why don’t I just ask him to take his shirt off?”
“Because he’ll blush and say no and then confuse us all with scientific names of sea creatures.”