“I loved his sweater, but I suspect I’d look like a poorly circumcised penis were I to try and wear it.”
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Category Archives: Blurtations
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
“That sounds like a degenerative disease that impacts monkeys.” Ryan Eanes
Monday, July 26, 2010
“I love my black wife, Wendy Williams–and our two apparently Asian children!” Jon Stewart
Monday, July 26, 2010
“Good lord. It’s like Disney and Pollyanna had a baby and named it Zappos. …They were falling over themselves to convey what a fabulous experience the mere caress of my voice was.” Todd Wachsman
Friday, June 18, 2010
“If everyone who had their ass slapped in a bar called the cops, the police would never get anything done!”
Thursday, June 17, 2010
“I know you end up with broccoli, but that really sounds like a drug deal.” Tomarra, after hearing details of my CSA pickup
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
“Your dreams of warm rubbery stale bread and greasy questionable meat products have been answered!” Grocery Eats (warning, language NSFW)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
“He grabbed his penis and said, ‘Come over here. I want you to turn my shrimp into a lobster,’” according to court papers filed by 28-year-old Rosemarie Ferranti, who was presumably hired to wait tables, not transmogrify genitalia. Gothamist
Monday, April 19, 2010
“I think that if I was a middle-aged lady I’d probably be bored a LOT.”
Monday, March 29, 2010
“Seeing hardcore Republicans watch Sarah Palin makes me think of lab rats that have been trained to push a button to get cocaine.”
Friday, March 26, 2010
“That sounds like some sort of institutional-sized box of frozen chins for cafeteria use.”
Friday, March 19, 2010
“Why don’t I just ask him to take his shirt off?” “Because he’ll blush and say no and then confuse us all with scientific names of sea creatures.”