Things We Heard (or Said) » Advice

William — Wed, 27 May 2009 07:27:50 +0000

“If we don’t feel stupid it means we’re not really trying.”
Martin A. Schwartz

Ryan — Fri, 15 May 2009 18:20:11 +0000

“You need a cape for the most dramatic tuna can openings.”
Jeremy Magee

Ryan — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:51:41 +0000

“Perfecto! Drink vodka and touch his manhood! L’chaim!”
Todd Wachsman

Ryan — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 22:04:05 +0000

“Did she ever try cheese? It’s like butter but more palatable.”
Joe Muto discussing my sister’s old habit of eating butter and margarine by itself

William — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 23:22:21 +0000

“Some of it works, but at that level, you’re mostly addressing pedophiles.”
Lance James, discussing hard drive encryption in the October, 2008 Wired

Ryan — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 06:17:55 +0000

“Like any lady, you have to get me trashed before I let you put your hand up my blouse.”

Sharon — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 23:55:33 +0000

“I’d probably go for the electroshock therapy. Done right, it’s fun for the whole family.”

–My friend Kate, discussing therapy options.

William — Sat, 16 Jun 2007 19:20:45 +0000

“Did we have an intervention when you were in love with that Carmen Sandiego guy? No.”
Ashley Miller, discussing celebrity crushes

Ryan — Sun, 19 Feb 2006 23:22:00 +0000

“Having a ring on your finger does not, I repeat, does not give you a free ticket to Man Boobs Junction.”
Jamie Bufalino

Valette — Sat, 02 Jul 2005 07:56:00 +0000

“Probably the best way to de-creepify the dream is to figure out what aspect of that person represents you: a part of yourself that needs a good [insert illegal activity here].”

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Kevin — Fri, 15 Apr 2005 03:27:00 +0000

“Whoever was smoking weed in that storage room over there… uh, don’t do that anymore.”
Ross, at a hall meeting, going over policies one more time

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Sharon — Wed, 06 Apr 2005 02:41:00 +0000

“And the moral of the story, boys and girls, is that if you hit Sharon’s arm, you don’t get to hit it in any other way.”
Me, talking about a bad date I’d had