“If we don’t feel stupid it means we’re not really trying.”
Martin A. Schwartz
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Category Archives: Advice
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
“You need a cape for the most dramatic tuna can openings.”
Jeremy Magee
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
“Perfecto! Drink vodka and touch his manhood! L’chaim!”
Todd Wachsman
Friday, February 6, 2009
“Did she ever try cheese? It’s like butter but more palatable.”
Joe Muto discussing my sister’s old habit of eating butter and margarine by itself
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
“Some of it works, but at that level, you’re mostly addressing pedophiles.”
Lance James, discussing hard drive encryption in the October, 2008 Wired
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
“Like any lady, you have to get me trashed before I let you put your hand up my blouse.”
Sunday, October 28, 2007
“I’d probably go for the electroshock therapy. Done right, it’s fun for the whole family.”
–My friend Kate, discussing therapy options.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
“Did we have an intervention when you were in love with that Carmen Sandiego guy? No.”
Ashley Miller, discussing celebrity crushes
Sunday, February 19, 2006
“Having a ring on your finger does not, I repeat, does not give you a free ticket to Man Boobs Junction.”
Jamie Bufalino
Saturday, July 2, 2005
“Probably the best way to de-creepify the dream is to figure out what aspect of that person represents you: a part of yourself that needs a good [insert illegal activity here].”
Thursday, April 14, 2005
“Whoever was smoking weed in that storage room over there… uh, don’t do that anymore.”
Ross, at a hall meeting, going over policies one more time
Tuesday, April 5, 2005
“And the moral of the story, boys and girls, is that if you hit Sharon’s arm, you don’t get to hit it in any other way.”
Me, talking about a bad date I’d had