“Lobsters pee out of their faces. Peeing at each other is part of both fighting and courtship.”

“Well, you know, penises don’t… ejaculate all the time.”
A student talking to another about something I don’t want to know about

I aggressively blow out my candle on my wife every couple of days. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

“I woke up as a baby on this earth one day, and god gave me a penis, so I’m going to squirt anyone I want.”
Random student walking on campus with a female friend

“I’m gonna eat you like an M&M. Except you’re not filled with chocolate.”

“I don’t understand how I got all this debris in my bra.”