“My son suffers from eczema…”
“He sure does, bless his heart.”
A shopping channel hostess and her co-hostess


“Hey, Conan! Maybe we should build a ‘play space’ like the one I had in my youth!”
“That sounds great, Joel, but what would we need?”
“All we would need is an empty refrigerator box, and an angry, drunken, bisexual step-father!”
“Great, Joel! We’ll do that!”
Joel Godard and Conan O’Brien, discussing a “day care center” for the show


Well, I guess someone had to broadcast “Retardation: Africa.”
A USENET user commenting on CBS’ decision not to air the President’s speech last week


“Go outside, you two-ton pound of lead.”
Laura Eanes, talking to the cat, and making no sense as usual


“Mexicans are hard workers.”
“Are you talking about that little Columbian man who cleans the bathroom?”
“Yeah, he makes the shower smell so good.”
“What are you talking about? He uses… like… a gallon of bleach every time he cleans.”
“I know. That chlorine… it smells so good.”
“Yeah, well, you’re still damaging your spinal cord every time you get in there.”
A conversation I just overheard out in the hall