“Just lure him into the lucrative sulfuric acid manufacturing business, ‘accidentally’ throw him into a vat during a romantic moonlight stroll across the factory catwalks one night after everyone’s gone home, and you’re set.”
Ryan’s evil plan for women to get rich without doing anything


“If there is the potential that I will appear on TV as the butt of an intern joke, I don’t want to look bumpkin-esque.”
Ryan worries too much about his internship


“We were being shouted at by some woman who said our protest was poo.”


“Solid waste dump cycle complete.”
Comment upon returning from the restroom


“Ain’t ain’t a word!”
“Yeah, neither is Forboblaughten. Doesn’t stop me from using it.”
Some random person trying to correct my grammar


“My teeth feel like they have a matte finish.”
Me, prior to brushing my teeth


“Every once in a while they’ll lock all the doors but the front one, and you’ll have to use that door. It’s part of the RAM’s… Random Anti-terrorism Measures.”
“What, they’re trying to surprise the terrorists!? ‘What the… This door’s locked! I’m so confused!'”
Airman McClellan, showing me around the shop that I’ll be working in