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“We all support you… well, except for Uncle Frank, who called us a ‘Jane Hathaway convention of doughnut-bumpers.'”
Reese Witherspoon in a sketch on SNL

“That’s not a car… that’s a rollerskate.”
Fox 18 anchor Andy Dominianni commenting on a Ford Festiva

“Thanks for the ride.”
“No problem. You know what we do with hitchhikers, right?”
“Uh…”
“We murder them.”
Conan O’Brien to a hitchhiker he “picked up” while driving his desk; immediately following, Conan’s guest “killed” the hitchhiker with a bat

“I get letters from all kinds of foreign countries like… New Mexico.”
Panelist featured on To Tell The Truth

“Please… get your penis… out of the sugar-free candies.”
The Andy Dick Show

“Lobsters don’t have crust on ’em!”
Inept woman on The Newlywed Game who didn’t know what her husband’s favorite crustacean was