Lisa: But… we sang Gershwin together!
Sideshow Bob: Well, “Rhapsody in Boo-Hoo.”
The Simpsons

“Old feeble Asian woman stuck in a toilet” is not just part of my browser search history.
Joel McHale

“Watching ‘Good Day New York’ and noticing anyone but Greg Kelly is like visiting Michelangelo’s ‘David’ and trying not to look at anything but the penis.”
Joel McHale on The Soup

“Relax, it was just a sea cucumber.”
“Oh, okay. It just felt like the inside of an eclair got loose and went for a dip. It’s fine. I’m glad we’re here.”
Pete Holmes explaining why he doesn’t like wading into the ocean

“I just know, for reasons I can’t explain, that it makes my soul urinate with laughter.”
Joel McHale

“Maybe it’s just me, but when I’m getting a little mid-morning buzz, the last thing I want is Jesus looking down at me from… well… everywhere.”
Anthony Bourdain

“Let me tell you, orangutans are not the playful gentlemen of the trees that the nature shows suggest.”
Frasier Crane on Frasier

“Please, Fry! I don’t know how to teach! I’m a professor!”
Professor Farnsworth on Futurama

“Do I like burgers?! I’m pregnant!”
Busy Phillips on Top Chef Masters

“I’ve been undone by hash tags and hemorrhoids. Just get out of here.”
Mark Labbett on The Chase