“There’s no real theater culture in Los Angeles… just a lot of pretentiousness connected by traffic.”
Chris Hardwick, on the Nerdist Podcast

“On FinnAir, they gave us these mini Finnish milk chocolates. They were like little pieces of Jesus in my mouth.”
abemax5 on Reddit

“N’Joy Non-Dairy Creamer?” I don’t want to enjoy non-dairy creamer.

William: “You know less about the geography of this country than of empires that have been dead for thousands of years!”
Amanda: “I’m not offended by that.”

I don’t think too many people will be impressed with institutions that have the word ‘Bible’ and ‘Hole’ in their name [education-wise].  “I received my PhD in Truthology from Bible Hole University.”
A commenter on the Pharyngula blog

Victor: Do you know how they get cheese? They take the cow and they massage their udders until they orgasmically release the milk.
Ryan:  I’m pretty sure that’s not how that happens.

“You see a rockstar. I still see the dorky kid who ran face-first into a glass door at my 13th birthday party.”
Kate, on celebrities

“I’ve always generally regarded Hot Pockets as the fast and easy food favored by stoners and people who pee into empty Mountain Dew bottles so they don’t have to leave their computer chair and risk missing part of their guild’s raid.”
The Impulsive Buy

“Arizona is like that racist uncle who won’t shut up about immigrants and refuses to leave even after peeing in the corner of your mom’s dining room. Don’t act like your family is better than mine.”
The Above The Law blog

“I’m beginning to think ‘precocious’ means ‘young douche hole.'”
Keir, commenting on an 11-year-old movie critic