“An Asian midget who loves God? I think I have to say no to that.”

“The guy behind me [on the plane] asked the flight attendant, ‘Can I get the tray without a sandwich?’ and all I could think was, ‘What did that poor sandwich ever do to you?'”

Lisa: But… we sang Gershwin together!
Sideshow Bob: Well, “Rhapsody in Boo-Hoo.”
The Simpsons

“…they’ve dubbed over the crone-like shrieks of those two old biddies with a boring song performed by a gentleman who is talented only in a ‘church choir director lets him sing a solo every couple of months’ sort of way.”

“I DO have people skills, but these boobs and nincompoops are too stupid to see it!”
Frasier Crane

“I have an evolutionary disposition against genetic deformities, so no, I don’t want to hug you.”

“You’d think a guy who travels by recliner would be more relaxed, but… that is a hilarious way to die.”
Jimmy Kimmel on a Chinese guy traveling via motorized recliner

“Did you draw that? You might need help. That’s awful, for an adult.”
Jenna Maroney on 30 Rock

“I finally discovered my purpose in life is not to run a food pantry for the homeless! I was born to be a dancing beaver in a kids’ band!”
From Raising Hope on FOX