“‘Salary rosters’ sounds like an extremely typo-imbued appetizer at Ruby Tuesday.”

“There was a slight doo-doo twinge in the air.”
Casey Eanes

“As we know, all a girl really wants from sex is a bruised cervix.”

Sharon:  What was she wearing?
Ryan:  I don’t recall exactly, but for some reason I want to say “trash bags.”

“Wendy, that evil temptress of the sub-basement of 1211 Avenue of the Americas, lured me into her den of iniquity and myocardial infarction once again.”
Ryan, discussing lunch

“You can’t kick me in the crotch, because your crotch is nowhere near my feet.”

“Generally I don’t urinate upon myself when I’m delighted, but to each his own.”

“Keep in mind that when we say ‘elephant,’ we really mean ‘pot-bellied pig.'”
Brian Wheeler