“Doesn’t everyone have a basement jail?! It’s something every house should have.”
Dr. Thompson, trying to make another argument… but just scaring us all instead


“Come on, now! A couple of cheap donuts would bribe an evaluation.”
Dr. Thompson discussing how he could improve his end-of-semester evaluation ratings


Student: “Sex is bad because it results in a child, but people still want to have sex.”
Dr. Thompson: “I’m not going to repeat [that argument] because I don’t think I should be endorsing such things.”
A girl in my philosophy class attempting (and failing) to make a particular argument… I don’t understand…


“Canada! That is north of the United States. Its capital is Ottawa. Or so I’ve been told.”
Dr. Thompson, after noticing some girl’s Canada t-shirt. He then continued class as if nothing unusual had happened.


“Umm…naw, what ya’ll need to do is get yoself one of dem My Size Barbies and dress dat bitch up.”
Someone from Ashley’s senior class…yes, a senior in college said that. Proof that anyone can get a college degree.

“Afraid? Afraid of what? Skanks with pickle tubs?”
Tiana discussing why she isn’t worried about the Junior class’s Fall Fest theme


“Do you know what we do in those training sessions, Woody?”
“Smoke cigarettes?”


“There’s rats in there eating your cheese! Who are you going to be mad at? The rats? Or are you going to be mad at the cheese?”
Statesville High School principal Teddy Millsaps, incomprehensible as usual