“Jesus was deep. Deep, man.”
My roommate, who is that special kind of stupid.

“…so I had to tell him like five times, ‘Dude, don’t slam your penis in the drawer.’ I think he was drunk.”
Overheard in the lounge

“…so, that little gremlin thing on the back of my neck is back.”
“::chuckle:: So, did you name it?”
Some random girls I passed

“So she comes in, sits down, picks up the controller, and proceeds to play with me.”
My roommate, talking on the phone to someone

“When I came in your room, you were throwing up naked.”
“Did I have a boner?”
Conversation between two formerly drunk guys on the hall

“A lot of people in Russia don’t even know that things are different anywhere else.”
Some dumb girl behind me in COM 246

“Damn, my penis looks huge right now.”
Random hall member walking by my door

“I think she’s going to be wearing a pink shawl today with matching lipstick.”
Overheard in COM 100, referring to the professor