“I woke up as a baby on this earth one day, and god gave me a penis, so I’m going to squirt anyone I want.”
Random student walking on campus with a female friend

Girl: You can come to our Asian students’ party if you want.
Boy: Will I be able to make some friends? I have a lot back in Minnesota but I’m struggling here.
Girl: Well, you’d be the only white dude there.
Boy: Oh, that’s a great conversation starter!
Conversation between undergrads overheard on the University of Oregon campus

“…it does make me wonder what would happen if you were to dump Reese’s Pieces into the vagina of a woman with a peanut allergy.”

“I’m serving killer jellyfish realness, and I am living for it.”
Detox on RuPaul’s Drag Race

“I finally discovered my purpose in life is not to run a food pantry for the homeless! I was born to be a dancing beaver in a kids’ band!”
From Raising Hope on FOX

“Is couscous grown? What is couscous? Is it a grain?”
Bish Sen

“Why do I always do that?”
“What? Drink wine in the grocery store?”
Old lady and her daughter at Albertsons

“These are the creepiest grains of rice I’ve ever seen.”
Iris Bull

“Will the Chinese hat appear on the red panda? No, that would be too racist.”
Michael Buchanan