“I see him as a little brother figure that I want to have sex with.”

“You can just computer it–I mean, Internet it–and you’ll find it.”
Bish Sen

Is that… a retarded anthropomorphic apple with an enormous penis and no scrotum wearing panties?
A comment on Reddit

“On FinnAir, they gave us these mini Finnish milk chocolates. They were like little pieces of Jesus in my mouth.”
abemax5 on Reddit

“When your roommate is taking a ‘boy-lesque’ class, it brings participatory theater home in frightening ways.”
A friend on Facebook

“If this election was Game of Thrones then Joe Biden would be that little dude who sleeps with all the hookers.”
@realprettydude on Twitter

Hope that paint was nontoxic, or at least washable, because I can’t imagine the agony of trying to scrub dried paint off a scrotum.
Jezebel

…what sort of weirdly dexterous breasts allow for painting?
Jezebel

“If I were a rattlesnake and you yanked out my teeth without any anesthetic and then coaxed your dog to sniff me, dude. Your khaki pants are the first pair I’m going to slither up. Guard your balls.”
Dooce