“You know you’re cool when you’re not.”
A friend’s feeble attempt at an insult, at around 2am

“Teenage pregnancy drops off significantly after age 20”
Internet news article

“I had ice cream for breakfast every day last holidays… apart from the days that I didn’t.”

“Please take cleaner, they are there for your pleasure”
Poorly translated sign in Japanese hostel

Quotes courtesy of Craig

“Her eyes are always closed, and her mouth is always open, like some sort of deformed baby bird. …Also she has no nose.”
from the Brunching Shuttlecocks page, on Hello Kitty

“Well, my thinking is this: if it’s empty, fill it with creme.”
One of the characters in the Penny Arcade comic strip

“That is a pity.”
“A pity is a terrible thing to waste”
My AI bot talking to William

“I have used you Hair Away product for the past two years. It is the best product I have ever used for the hair on my lower and upper lips as well as the chin area it didn’t cause any irritation like I thought it would it indeed did its job.”
An actual “customer testimonial” from the Igia site

“Of robberies with dwelled levelling of and robberies with levelling of dwelling it examined appeared generally of a information entrance of the opened Window, after that one that they had cleared of Windowbildschir to me. These crimes had appeared in the retardation during the night during day e.”
The result of several passes of automatic translation software, from English to German to Japanese and back to English 

“With the information superhighway around, rabid wolverines are just an HTTP request away….”
Josh, from the Stavesacre e-mail discussion group