“One of the things I find so weird and pathetic about his appearance is his strangely thick eyelashes. It just makes him look like a creepy melting baby doll head.”
A Gawker commenter describing Ted Cruz’s appearance

“Lifetime’s severely low-end Brittany Murphy biopic, The Brittany Murphy Story, airs September 6, and these clips from it do not look encouraging. In fact, they look horrendous. There are amateur pornos made at a higher quality. There are Chihuahuas wearing better, more believable wigs. Simply holding a paper cutout of Brittany Murphy’s face on a Popsicle stick up to one’s face would be more lifelike.”
From a Vulture blog post

Look. There is a large segment of society that has too much money and they are retarded. Don’t feel bad because other people are retarded. You can’t control retardedness.”
Reddit comment

“Love is like a fart… if you have to push, it’s probably s**t.”
Seen on a sign

I aggressively blow out my candle on my wife every couple of days. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Reddit

I once dated a man who wrote me poetry on perfume-scented tear-stained paper so, yes, you could say I’ve had a lesbian experience.
@fluffysuse on Twitter