“…I guess [that] means that my friends see me as a fashion- and hair-challenged middle-aged woman who says nonsensical words and strangles herself with a phone.”
The only logical explanation for why Gale Beggy reminds people of me

I woke up thinking that we could make billions by charging a tax on dolls.”

“What are we watching?”
“We’re watching ‘If the Earth Were Dead’ or something.”
William Veazey & Ryan Eanes

“The boy is about as straight as my elbow, which I am currently holding at a 90º angle to demonstrate how not straight he–oh, never mind.”

“I’m relatively normal compared to Japanese people.”
William Veazey

“Why is there a giant chocolate-chip cookie up there?  Oh, wait, that’s a map of the world.”
Amanda Veazey

“[We have] Polok fish….”
An employee of K&W Cafeteria, confusing a racial slur for pollock, a type of fish.

“Maybe he figured out some way to keep that from happening… [perhaps] some kind of flame retardant beard wash.”
Speculation on how Blackbeard the pirate kept the lit candles he put in his beards from torching his face

“Is that the photovoltaic kind?”
Otley Veazey, referring to probiotic fruit juice