“Um, so what do you call a Shirley Temple with vodka?”
Dumb girl at a campus bar

Girl: You can come to our Asian students’ party if you want.
Boy: Will I be able to make some friends? I have a lot back in Minnesota but I’m struggling here.
Girl: Well, you’d be the only white dude there.
Boy: Oh, that’s a great conversation starter!
Conversation between undergrads overheard on the University of Oregon campus

“Let me tell you, orangutans are not the playful gentlemen of the trees that the nature shows suggest.”
Frasier Crane on Frasier

“You can teach a monkey how to tie a shoe. But you can’t teach a monkey how to make a shoe–you know what I’m saying?”
Nedra on Hell’s Kitchen

“Stop eating people’s old French fries, pigeon! Have some self respect! Don’t you know you can fly?”
Tracy Jordan

“That sounds like Frances and the Machine.”
Amanda Veazey

“This may shock you, but I own a summer cabin on Lake Inferior.”
Lester the Rat on Beakman’s World

“You guys. I died. I DIED. Like, literally. I died. I am a ghost and I’m typing this now.”

“What’s-his-face in a wig made these. Dennis, Dennis, Rainman, the Graduate….”
Amanda Veazey, discussing Dots candy

Amanda: “What’s a ‘McHammer?'”
William: “You mean MC Hammer?”
Amanda Veazey, confused about a word in Draw Something, a Pictionary-like smartphone game