“You don’t have any friends. I mean, happy birthday!”
Amanda Veazey, to her mother on her birthday

“I are a retarded.”
Me/myself, after stupidly referring to Herman Zimmerman as Herman Miller

“I really wish I’d taken a nap in that restaurant. By which I mean doctor’s office.”
Amanda Veazey

“Kids are residual.”
Otley Veazey, using the word “residual” instead of “resilient.”

“What’s a ‘Belgian whistle?'”
Otley Veazey, misunderstanding the phrase “bells and whistles.”

“That sounds like Frances and the Machine.”
Amanda Veazey

“Well, babies are retards. Everybody knows this.”
Todd WachsmanĀ 

“I’m sure you’ll find it if you Google ‘old man poop yogurt.’ …wait, no, no, no, don’t Google that.”
William Veazey