“I used to think I didn’t have eyebrows when I was little.”
My sister Amanda

“No wonder we can’t answer any of these questions. This is the ‘Genius’ Edition.”
“No, Scott, that says ‘Genus’.”
My cousin Scott and I discussing the Trivial Pursuit game we were playing

“I feel like I’m drinking something…”
Tara Holt, while holding a large bottle of water

“It’s harder to breathe underwater.”
Tara Holt at Ashley’s birthday party

Laura: She dresses like a slut.
Ryan: You’re just jealous because you don’t have big boobs.
Laura: I don’t want big boobs.

“Well, she’ll be teaching until school gets out, and then she’ll get out and go to the beach and do whatever it is that people do at the beach.”
My roommate not realizing how inept this sentence is

“Shut up, I’m learning by trial and error.”
“More error than trial.”
“That made no sense! You can’t have an error without a trial.”
Ryan and I, discussing his inability to throw darts with any semblance of accuracy or precision.

“Sean is good. Everyone loves Sean.”
“You’re referring to yourself in the third person.”
“Is he?”
My roommate and I just moments ago

“I want to know how they synchronized the clapping in the audience for this song.”
My roommate, completely oblivious to the fact that most drum machines have a “clap” sound