“They call her the ‘bra whisperer.’ I guess my breasts didn’t speak loudly enough.”
A friend expressing her displeasure with a local bra fitter

“I don’t understand how I got all this debris in my bra.”

“When you went to church retreats, what did you do? Did you play Pin the Nail on the Crucifix?”

“Hey, if a bird could fly in, so could a perverted Latino.”

“I thought that fire hydrant was a little person, staring at me.”
Christine Anderson

“What’s the difference between breakfast waffles and lunch waffles? Apart from ‘one sounds like the German air force.'”
William Veazey

“I assume that refers to either his penis or to a doo-doo accident he may have had at some point that no one will let him forget.”
A thought regarding a wanted suspect’s nickname of “Big Dinky”

“I am immediately calling for a ban on high capacity pressure cookers.”
Ron Mitchell

“No, she didn’t poop herself stuck; she got stuck and continued to poop.”
William Veazey, discussing a cow stuck in the mud on television