“That foot sandwich is apparently some sort of mascot thing.”

“Aw Mummy…I’d gladly sacrifice Frozen for your tooth.”
Submitted by Ginger, whose daughter offered to give up an addition to her Disney movie collection to help pay for a broken tooth

“We were both kind of raped by the same guy… if that isn’t a bonding experience between friends, I don’t know what one is.”

Christine: “I shouldn’t tell you about the trove of puns I found today on BuzzFeed.”
William: “You must!”
Christine: “I can’t!”
William: “Look at me. Look at the joy on my face. How can you deny me such joy?”
Christine: “Easily.”

“You don’t have any friends. I mean, happy birthday!”
Amanda Veazey, to her mother on her birthday

“Nothing says fancy quite like pickled fruit!”
Casey Eanes

“I cringe at the thought of biting into a crispy face.”

“No one says ‘hold them in a bra formation.’ You just made that up on the spot, didn’t you. You did.”
William Veazey chastising me for attempting to describe a position

“I’m gonna eat you like an M&M. Except you’re not filled with chocolate.”
“Well….”
“EW!”