“I know you end up with broccoli, but that really sounds like a drug deal.”
Tomarra, after hearing details of my CSA pickup

“That’s Elise for you, in a nutshell–she creeps people out with her perfume.”
Jill Dobson

“This job is so frustrating, my wigs are turning gray!”

“I fancy myself as something of a connoisseur of potato salad.”
Ron Mitchell

“You could be the Employee of the Week next week. And the criteria is that I have to have an awkward, kind of bad picture of you that’s poorly cropped.”
Ron Mitchell

“If your parents named you Britney, chances are they knew you had no chance of joining MENSA.”
Tomarra, on baby names

“I really don’t like this new hand sanitizer. It tastes disgusting.”

“Okay, how is this fair? If the cows can have sex, I should be able to get bacon.”
Tomarra, discussing changes to Farmville

T: I don’t even know what a comptroller does!
Well, John Slattery played one on Sex & The City–Carrie dated him.
T: So, a comptroller likes to pee on people?