“Whoever was smoking weed in that storage room over there… uh, don’t do that anymore.”
Ross, at a hall meeting, going over policies one more time

“And the moral of the story, boys and girls, is that if you hit Sharon’s arm, you don’t get to hit it in any other way.”
Me, talking about a bad date I’d had


Ryan: How would I explain to them that I ditched my job to become a drag queen?!
William: Very simple. Tell them that you’ve decided to become an eccentric millionaire.