“Perfecto! Drink vodka and touch his manhood! L’chaim!”
Todd Wachsman

“Did she ever try cheese?  It’s like butter but more palatable.”
Joe Muto discussing my sister’s old habit of eating butter and margarine by itself

“Some of it works, but at that level, you’re mostly addressing pedophiles.”
Lance James, discussing hard drive encryption in the October, 2008 Wired

“Like any lady, you have to get me trashed before I let you put your hand up my blouse.”

“I’d probably go for the electroshock therapy. Done right, it’s fun for the whole family.”
My friend Kate, discussing therapy options

“Did we have an intervention when you were in love with that Carmen Sandiego guy?  No.”
Ashley Miller, discussing celebrity crushes

“Probably the best way to de-creepify the dream is to figure out what aspect of that person represents you: a part of yourself that needs a good [insert illegal activity here].”